The Tragedy of Inter-Appliance Love Affairs

Since it seems that the world is finally coming to their senses on marriage equality for humans, I guess I can start speaking out about other marriage equality issues.  No, I'm not talking about those ridiculous religious arguments where people say that men will marry sheep and women will marry their cats, or how people will marry Buicks or Ferraris...

I'm talking about inter-appliance love affairs.  It's time that the world recognize them and give them the same respect we give other love affairs.

Just because you assume your washer and dryer have mated for life doesn't make it true.  Oh, sure, we've all had the sad experience where the dryer died early, and you had to go out and arrange a new mate for your washer, or vice versa.

Refrigerators are typically mated with freezers.

Stove are mated with ovens.

Dishwashers and garbage disposals have some sort of unholy alliance going that nice people don't talk about.

We sometimes even condone appliance polyamory - you can have a stove with 2 ovens, or a refrigerator and freezer with another freezer in the garage.

We've come to accept that an appliance can be two things at once - a toaster and and oven.  A sort of hermaphrodite appliance if you will.

But what happens when the dryer has become disenchanted with the washer, and has fallen in love with the refrigerator?

You think this can't happen, but we've all experienced losing socks, underwear, the occasional complete set of bedroom sheets from the dryer...only to discover exotic food in the refrigerator that you have no recollection of buying.  (Providing, of course, that you have a high end dryer.  If you have a lower end dryer,  you're more likely to find things like Miracle Whip, Liver Mush and lots of no-name mustard from the .50/bin at the Dollar store.)

Now, if you're lucky, the refrigerator will return the dryer's affection and reciprocate...and you'll find that the missing sheets have been replaced with luxurious 900 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, or washable silk teddies that will make your partner swoon with joy.  If the refrigerator doesn't return the dryer's affection, however, all you find is stained clothing...stains from things like Miracle Whip, Liver Mush and no-named mustard.  Or you'll notice a disgusting odor coming from the dryer, as the refrigerator tries to return the caviar, smoked salmon and Belgian chocolate.

The washer will eventually start showing her displeasure at the dryer's infidelity and try to start her own affair with the freezer, in an effort to make the dryer jealous.  This never ends well.  You'll find dirty frozen gym socks tucked between the individual spanikopitas you spent hours making for your Greek themed dinner.  The Leg of Lamb you paid $12.99 a pound for will mysteriously show signs of having spent time in a rinse cycle.

It's disturbing.  And there's nothing you can do about it.